Tobin’s Journal: April 26, 2005

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

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Head full of images today. Two shows at once as well. Reading Mahler research late into the night, and tackling Saccades in the mornings–but its hard to keep it compartmentalized. Filtering through images and ideas for content concept and meaning. Trying to avoid imagery for imagery sake, but then, also not wanting to over filter. More like detective work. I know the idea comes from the thought–but from what thought is unclear. I am asking myself hard questions, and trying to truly see the connection of the ideas.

Have been scouting the apartment here in Forest Hill for a shoot I think I will do this week. As the place recently underwent major wall reconstruction, the colors of the just dry plaster are great. There are also many openings into the different rooms which would allow for great depth. The lighting is beautiful. I think deep warm colors would look great in the environment— have an idea that would look great in the space too. Mostly it provides a great nuetral pallete-without being a black box. Also on the lookout for a series of nuetral backdrops for saccades. Something that gives the feel of the burdon of memories–emotional baggage-troublesome intimacies of the past-or even current troubles which are resisting their own burial in the sub conscious-refusal to die.

on that note. I dreamed of a giant rat last night. I think the goal was to kill it. but once i caught it and held it i thought it was sort of cute-almost cat like. At the same time it was repulsive-because it was a rat. As it was a dream this made sense. eventually the rat died–or sort of froze and I thought it was dead. Someone told me there were many more rats in the giant house where we were.I didn’t recognize the house.

so anyway–will probably explore area around the train station as possible location. Most likely though, I will use very lived in rooms-real rooms-full of stuff and junk. Rife with memories, and mysteries, skeleton stuffed closets. A lived in room can be frightening for the potency of its energies-a good symbol of the mix of memories and unresolved issues we drag behind us (an wonder why its so hard to move forward)

As if I had order it, i walked up the steps at Clapham Junction yesterday behind a man carrying on old television–the kind with a carrying handle which lifts out of the top of the fake wood grain veneer. The idea of a single carrying handle on such a heavy and awkwardly shaped item was perfect. It was a perfect study of the ideas I had been exploring for Saccades-involving televisions, and weights, and forced body language and movement in relation to imagery in the performance space. Here it was perfectly represented in the real. The man lumbered up the steps in an awkard, hip extended limp. There was a single minded determinedness to carry the set only by the one handle, as the handle almost demanded this treatment by its very presence. It was an image of burden, in the weight and how it injected its presence into the entire physical language of the man, and it was an image of time–the image extended back 20 to 30 years—you felt it in looking at it. The style of the set, and more than that– the idea of its portability. The notion that at the time this tv was manufactured, it was boasting its conveniently small size and ease of transport. That same item 20 to 30 years later, is burdomesome and awkward. Its owner however–is still determined not to let go of its original promise. He reaches the top of the steps with years trailing behind. yes it is for me a perfect image of the emotional memory and history and baggage. A domestic item. the tv-We place them into our most personal spaces (even on refridgerators and in bathrooms now!). We stare at them for hours on end. It makes you want to ask yourself, what has the TV seen, over the years–reflected in the glass…

anyhow… a great image which I will surely recreate and use in this upcoming show.